Journals54
Newest
...i did it again XD
1 min read
......... last journal was July 1st 2014........
it is now Januart 31st.... 2018......
I am not sorry....
it is now Januart 31st.... 2018......
I am not sorry....
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WOW its been ages
1 min read
And it has been... like WOW...
But im back and cleaning things up and posting all ive done in the last year.
Love you guys.
But im back and cleaning things up and posting all ive done in the last year.
Love you guys.
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live stream
1 min read
if anyones interested.... i have a stream going on right now...
www.livestream.com/fluffyspadd… <---- click there and join the fun
www.livestream.com/fluffyspadd… <---- click there and join the fun
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BIRTHDAY WEEKEND!!!
1 min read
omg guys.... ill be away this weekend but ill be sure to have fun...
im turning 24 tomorrow (the 22nd) and ill be with my boyfriend up at BigBear mountains all weekend... u wont see hide or hair of my tush till sunday...
i hope yall have a fun weekend
thats about it from me for now... figured it was time to take my grandmothers sad journal off anyways...
FluffyLee
im turning 24 tomorrow (the 22nd) and ill be with my boyfriend up at BigBear mountains all weekend... u wont see hide or hair of my tush till sunday...
i hope yall have a fun weekend
thats about it from me for now... figured it was time to take my grandmothers sad journal off anyways...
FluffyLee
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emotional downpore
6 min read
it is official...
i have lost all control of my emotions at this point... there is so much i want too do but my sadness is making things so much harder for me to manage t do even the littlest task... like clean my cats catbox. or do the kitchen...
im an emotional roller-coaster crashing through every wall to make room for all the waas and boohoos to son follow my crytrain of shit and i hate time limits why does everything always tend to make it impossible for me to do things i want to do when i want to do a deadline!??
It is coming up to that time of the year again when i continue the Christmas comic with a new page to show u what the gang is going to do to make up for killing Jolly ol' Nick.... but as of the last few years i havnt been able to do much due to things being on my mind... one year being a really fucked up doll my brother won for me... and last year was that raindear head mount.... this year i had an awesome idea for a possible conclusion to the comic.... but sadly i have perhaps lost inspiration once again...
to you in the know, dont worry im not going emo or turning into a cutter again... trust me those days are behind me... it hurt way to much and i am WAY too much of a chicken shit to finish myself off... not to mention i have so many people here who would bring me back and kick my ass until the day the sun dont shine anymore... this isnt one of those events... trust me... its just something im going to get over soon...
to those who dont know what im going off about.... the last few months i moved to an apartment because my parents had to move out of the moblehome to live with my grandparents because they were failing in health.... well... my grandma... my pop pop is still ok.... its my Nana that we were worried about... shes been recovering from a stroke since early March.... about a week before my 23th birthday to be exact. i had to move out because i wouldnt be able to live in a 3 bedroom house with my grandparents, little clepto brother, and both my parents. had i stayed with them i would have more or less stayed in the same room as that little shit and gone insane way before this...
well... a month ago, my nana tripped in her house... well.... walking into her house.... she tripped on the doorway to the front door of the house and broke her hip. Naturally ud think just get it fixed and then send her home to recover like a normal broken bone.... NOPE... instead she went back to the state she was in when she had her stroke and gradually got worse... and worse... and even started hallucinating thinking i was putting my rats in her bed when the nurses would look away and wouldnt even acknowledge me later... like i had done something horrible... mind u... my rats have been dead for almost 5 years now... i didnt even think she knew i had rats... she and i werent REALLY close... id visit once in a while... it sucks to have to say it like that... but thats what our relationship was like... i didnt really bond with her all too much once i started growing up...
either way... this last week has been a trying one for my family and for myself... ive been trying to get over this but i just cant seem to... i cant go see her... her eyes wont open anymore... but shes awake... so she knows its me... but she doesnt want to see me... and its not a resentment thing... i know she loves me... she loved her family... its because we both know its best if i remember for who she was and not some little frail woman figure in a bed who cant do anything anymore... she was a strong woman i know... and she would hate for me to think anything else of her... but its so hard to move on when everyone is always asking "when are u going to see her" and "you should really make time to come down here and visit before shes gone"... i know shes going.... OK!? I KNOW.... why do you think ive been avoiding this!?
call me weak... call me selfish.... but damnit, i do what i want to move on with topics like this!! i dont do well with death and would rather just be there for the end of it all... be it the topic and the leaving of this world ceremony known as a funeral.
just a heads up... i dont care if u comment... i dont care if u judge... i just wanted to get this out here... sorry if its a long read.... but if uve made it this far... then you can read the end too...
im not going to be away.... im not closing this page... if you see any activity it will be small... and not done with much effort... im going to be grieving... in my mind.... and i may spit a few things out of my tears... but that will be all....
chapter 21 will have to be finished under happier times....and i may or may not have a Christmas comic this year... i may have a filler doodle like last year.... or the first actual PHOTO of myself on this account... who know... all i know is im done... and im tired... and will probably retire to my bed after i post this...
so ....goodnight to you all... and dont worry.... this isnt a journal with suicidal intentions in the backdrop.... im just sad...
very....very sad...
Lee
i have lost all control of my emotions at this point... there is so much i want too do but my sadness is making things so much harder for me to manage t do even the littlest task... like clean my cats catbox. or do the kitchen...
im an emotional roller-coaster crashing through every wall to make room for all the waas and boohoos to son follow my crytrain of shit and i hate time limits why does everything always tend to make it impossible for me to do things i want to do when i want to do a deadline!??
It is coming up to that time of the year again when i continue the Christmas comic with a new page to show u what the gang is going to do to make up for killing Jolly ol' Nick.... but as of the last few years i havnt been able to do much due to things being on my mind... one year being a really fucked up doll my brother won for me... and last year was that raindear head mount.... this year i had an awesome idea for a possible conclusion to the comic.... but sadly i have perhaps lost inspiration once again...
to you in the know, dont worry im not going emo or turning into a cutter again... trust me those days are behind me... it hurt way to much and i am WAY too much of a chicken shit to finish myself off... not to mention i have so many people here who would bring me back and kick my ass until the day the sun dont shine anymore... this isnt one of those events... trust me... its just something im going to get over soon...
to those who dont know what im going off about.... the last few months i moved to an apartment because my parents had to move out of the moblehome to live with my grandparents because they were failing in health.... well... my grandma... my pop pop is still ok.... its my Nana that we were worried about... shes been recovering from a stroke since early March.... about a week before my 23th birthday to be exact. i had to move out because i wouldnt be able to live in a 3 bedroom house with my grandparents, little clepto brother, and both my parents. had i stayed with them i would have more or less stayed in the same room as that little shit and gone insane way before this...
well... a month ago, my nana tripped in her house... well.... walking into her house.... she tripped on the doorway to the front door of the house and broke her hip. Naturally ud think just get it fixed and then send her home to recover like a normal broken bone.... NOPE... instead she went back to the state she was in when she had her stroke and gradually got worse... and worse... and even started hallucinating thinking i was putting my rats in her bed when the nurses would look away and wouldnt even acknowledge me later... like i had done something horrible... mind u... my rats have been dead for almost 5 years now... i didnt even think she knew i had rats... she and i werent REALLY close... id visit once in a while... it sucks to have to say it like that... but thats what our relationship was like... i didnt really bond with her all too much once i started growing up...
either way... this last week has been a trying one for my family and for myself... ive been trying to get over this but i just cant seem to... i cant go see her... her eyes wont open anymore... but shes awake... so she knows its me... but she doesnt want to see me... and its not a resentment thing... i know she loves me... she loved her family... its because we both know its best if i remember for who she was and not some little frail woman figure in a bed who cant do anything anymore... she was a strong woman i know... and she would hate for me to think anything else of her... but its so hard to move on when everyone is always asking "when are u going to see her" and "you should really make time to come down here and visit before shes gone"... i know shes going.... OK!? I KNOW.... why do you think ive been avoiding this!?
call me weak... call me selfish.... but damnit, i do what i want to move on with topics like this!! i dont do well with death and would rather just be there for the end of it all... be it the topic and the leaving of this world ceremony known as a funeral.
just a heads up... i dont care if u comment... i dont care if u judge... i just wanted to get this out here... sorry if its a long read.... but if uve made it this far... then you can read the end too...
im not going to be away.... im not closing this page... if you see any activity it will be small... and not done with much effort... im going to be grieving... in my mind.... and i may spit a few things out of my tears... but that will be all....
chapter 21 will have to be finished under happier times....and i may or may not have a Christmas comic this year... i may have a filler doodle like last year.... or the first actual PHOTO of myself on this account... who know... all i know is im done... and im tired... and will probably retire to my bed after i post this...
so ....goodnight to you all... and dont worry.... this isnt a journal with suicidal intentions in the backdrop.... im just sad...
very....very sad...
Lee
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